UNDERSTANDING CONTEXT
A single behavior does not automatically mean something harmful is happening. Many normal activities can look concerning without context.
Examples that may be normal on their own:
• Wanting more privacy with devices
• Making new online friends
• Spending more time online
• Being annoyed when interrupted
• Changes in interests
• Using devices late occasionally
• Receiving gifts or items in games or communities
These behaviors may deserve a conversation or observation, but not immediate alarm.
More concerning patterns to look for:
• Sudden changes in behavior or mood
• Signs of fear or distress around online interactions
• Secrecy that appears connected to pressure from another person
• Requests to hide a relationship or conversation
• Multiple concerning signs occurring together
• Requests for sexual content or personal information
• Demands, threats, or manipulation
• Evidence that someone is not who they claim to be
SOMETHING TO NOTICE
These behaviors can have many normal explanations. They deserve a calm conversation or closer attention, but not automatic alarm. Look for context and patterns.
Wanting More Privacy
Seeking privacy with devices is normal and developmentally appropriate. Concern increases if the privacy appears connected to fear, pressure from another person, sudden distress, or repeated attempts to conceal contact that seems harmful.
New Online Friends or Communities
Making friends in gaming, school communities, shared interests, hobbies, and online spaces is common. This becomes more concerning if someone pressures the person to keep the relationship secret, move conversations to private or disappearing channels, share personal information, send images, or avoid telling trusted adults.
Spending More Time Online
More online time has many explanations: new friends, school projects, hobbies, games, learning, or connection to communities. It becomes concerning if time online regularly prevents sleep, schoolwork, relationships, or daily responsibilities, or if someone seems distressed about their own use but cannot stop.
Mood Changes Around Online Interactions
Mood can be affected by online interactions. This is common in friendships, gaming, social media, and community spaces. More concerning patterns include intense distress after specific messages, fear of a particular person, panic when contacted, or persistent withdrawal combined with evidence of bullying or threats.
Receiving Gifts or Items
Receiving gifts, gift cards, in-game items, or money from online friends can be normal in gaming, communities, and friendships. This becomes more concerning if gifts are tied to pressure for secrecy, personal information, sexual content, promises of repayment, demands, or attempts to move the relationship to private channels.
Changes in Sleep or Energy
Sleep changes have many causes: development, school schedule, activities, excitement, stress, or content that is engaging or upsetting. If online activity is consistently keeping someone awake, disrupting sleep, causing distress, or someone feels they cannot stop despite wanting to, that is worth addressing together.
Self-Consciousness About Appearance or Popularity
Comparison and self-consciousness about how people look or how many likes a post receives are common on social media, especially during adolescence. This becomes more concerning if it causes persistent distress, interferes with daily functioning, or is combined with signs of bullying, exclusion, or deliberate cruelty from peers.
STRONGER WARNING SIGNS
These behaviors more directly indicate pressure, exploitation, coercion, or immediate harm. They deserve prompt attention and may require escalation to adults, professionals, or authorities.
Pressure to Keep a Relationship Secret
Someone asks the person not to tell trusted adults about them. Phrases like "your parents wouldn't understand" or "this is just between us" can be a warning sign of grooming behavior.
Action: Prioritize conversation. Ask calm questions. Do not make the person feel ashamed. If the relationship involves an unknown adult, that is a specific concern.
Requests for Personal Information or Images
Someone asks for home address, school name, phone number, full name, location, or intimate images. This can be a warning sign of exploitation or grooming.
Action: Do not provide the information or images. Block and report the person on the platform. Talk with a trusted adult. If you believe a child is being exploited, contact the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children's CyberTipline at CyberTipline.org.
Sexual Contact, Solicitation, or Pressure
Someone sends sexual messages, images, or video; asks the person to send intimate photos or videos; or pressures them to engage in sexual conversation or activity online.
Action: Do not continue contact with the person. Report to the platform. Contact local law enforcement or the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children's CyberTipline at CyberTipline.org. For guidance on handling any images or evidence, law enforcement and specialized services can advise what is safest and legally appropriate.
Threats to Share Content or Personal Information
Someone threatens to share intimate images, embarrassing photos, or personal information unless the person complies with demands (money, more images, silence about the relationship, etc.). This is sextortion or blackmail.
Action: Do not pay money or comply with demands. Stop contact with the person immediately. Report to the platform. Contact law enforcement and the FBI's Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) at IC3.gov. If a child is involved, also contact the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children's CyberTipline at CyberTipline.org.
Demands for Money or Payment
Someone asks for money, gift cards, or payment in exchange for keeping the relationship secret, returning content, not sharing information, or continuing the friendship.
Action: Do not send money. This is extortion. Report to law enforcement and the platform. Contact the FBI's IC3.
Deceptive Behavior or Impersonation
Someone claims to be a peer (another kid, a friend, a classmate) but evidence suggests they are an adult or not who they claim. Examples: age inconsistencies, stories that don't match, video calls revealing someone older, using photos that are not theirs, or behavior that escalates to romantic or sexual content.
Action: End contact. Do not agree to in-person meetings. Report to the platform. Talk with a trusted adult or contact the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children's CyberTipline.
Plans for Secret In-Person Meetings
Someone the person has only met online wants to meet in person but asks them to keep it secret from trusted adults or to go alone.
Action: Do not agree to meet alone. Tell a trusted adult immediately. If someone is pressuring this, that is a warning sign of potential exploitation.
Threats, Intimidation, or Coercion
Someone threatens harm to the person, their family, their reputation, or their safety. Or someone repeatedly tries to control who they talk to, what they do, or what they share.
Action: Take threats seriously. If there is immediate physical danger, call 911. Report ongoing threats to law enforcement.
Bullying, Harassment, or Exclusion
Someone repeatedly sends hurtful messages, spreads rumors, excludes the person from communities, or tries to damage their reputation or relationships.
Action: Block and report the person on the platform. If bullies are classmates, involve school. For DigitalCap's full guidance on responding to bullying and harassment, see our "Something Happened?" guide at /respond.
Self-Harm or Suicidal Thoughts
The person talks about wanting to hurt themselves or die. They mention suicide, cutting, or other self-harm. This may be connected to bullying, pressure online, or other crisis.
Action: Take this seriously. Call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline immediately (call or text 988). If there is immediate physical danger, call 911. Connect the person with a mental health professional or emergency services.
Threats of Harm to Others
The person says they want to hurt, harm, or threaten another person. Or someone online is threatening to harm them or others.
Action: If there is immediate physical danger, call 911. Report the threat to law enforcement and to the platform where it was made.
CONVERSATIONS, NOT SURVEILLANCE
When you notice something concerning, a calm conversation is usually more effective than surveillance, punishment, or control. A few approaches:
Start with curiosity, not accusations:
"I noticed you seem upset after checking your messages. Is everything okay?" is better than "I know you're hiding something."
Make it safe to tell you:
If the person tells you about something concerning, your first job is to stay calm and make them feel safe, not to punish them for telling you. You can address the situation after they feel supported.
Help them identify what is and isn't okay:
"No one should ask you to keep a relationship secret from me" or "It's not okay for someone to ask for your photos" gives clear information without shame.
Involve professionals when needed:
For serious concerns (threats, exploitation, self-harm, crisis), involve appropriate professionals: school counselors, mental health providers, law enforcement, or crisis services.